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naam: Pilot
latijns:tibicen haematodes - bloedrode cicade

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To Pilot 		:( Pilot, 25 Apr 2023 05:01
why why why why why!

To Sjeu 		I learned, Sjeu, 25 Apr 2023 10:20
the best way to reduce stress is to take charge of your thoughts (and subsequently your emotions), your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems.

This way, stress doesn’t become something you fear, but a beneficial red flag that has been raised in order to tell you that you are not living your life the way you want to live your life or deserve to live your life.

To Sjeu 		~ Sjeu, 25 Apr 2023 10:22
There are at least 10 ways to help you eliminate stress in your life. The first one:

Identify your true sources of stress as well as the unhealthy coping strategies you may be using to avoid stress. Look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses.

So maybe this experience helped you to do just that..

To Pilot 		man Pilot, 24 Apr 2023 16:00
didn’t go in for class and work
because i felt bad
because i felt bad i smoked
because i smoked i felt bad
i’m forming such unhealthy habits consciously, it’s so weird because now i’m distressed at something in my control instead of something out of my control. i’m scared i’m jeopardizing so much of my future just with today—a day i decided to miss class and work to mope and be a chimney. why do i feel this way oh my goodness:(

To Pilot 		ANYWAY! Pilot, 09 Apr 2023 05:02
does anyone have super awesome cool book reccomendations!

To Sjeu 		Well I'm not much of a bookreader Sjeu, 11 Apr 2023 13:40
Though I wish I had the inner peace to actually go for it. And I really like someone reading to me, but that's been quite a while..

I started reading 'Fuck it' by John Parkin but it's just sitting on the table for years already. I recently bought 'Erotic intelligence' by Esther Perel in a thrift shop I sometimes visit but later on found a website with a number of articles expanding on her book. After reading those, I lost the urgency of reading the book.. What book genre are you looking for?

www.spoon-tamago.com/japanese-back-alley-bookends/

To Pilot 		i Pilot, 08 Apr 2023 02:03
want attention so bad

To Pilot 		i’m so Pilot, 08 Apr 2023 00:28
sad and worried
worried and sad
and feel selfish for yearning at the better possibilities
and alternate outcomes
of the many realities i wander around in
in my head
i wish i was out of my head
and i wish i was someone else
i regret so many things
and regret forgiving and not forgiving
oh how i am so sad.

To Pilot 		:/ Pilot, 08 Apr 2023 00:30
i need to stop forgiving people
of things i’d never do to them.

i’m pushing people away
expecting them to put up a greater fight
why am i such a horrid person

To Pilot 		trick! Pilot, 08 Apr 2023 00:35
i’m tricking myself
i don’t know what’s good for me
i keep picking things i think are good for me
and they aren’t good for me
or are they? i don’t know
i’m so unsure in my life

To Sjeu 		I believe Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 12:33
'healing' is to experience the opposite.

If we are lonely, to heal is to achieve togetherness.

If we are abused, to heal is to be treated lovingly.

If we feel powerless, to heal is to feel empowered.

If we are stuck, to heal is to be able to move.

All of this may seem impossible at the moment.

But the truth is, it only takes a small shift
to break through on the other side of fear.

To Sjeu 		Your Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 12:37
life here on this planet
will only be as good as the
quality of your relationships.
Developing awareness as to how it
is possible to improve your relationship
without losing who you are, is the key to that.

As you do, you'll begin to manifest
all the kind of relationships
that truly fulfill you.

That is my aim
anyway..

To Sjeu 		Knowing your value Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 12:43
and to know your values too, makes it more easy to move through hardship. Because this trains you to stick to your core beliefs. And when you succeed, you feel good and strong about that, even though it was rough.

Another way to train resilience is to know what really makes you happy. And making continuous incremental steps to get there. To do those things. Even if it takes a while. To follow your bliss is your goal. And allow yourself to fully enjoy it too!

To Sjeu 		It might feel somewhat uncomfortable, Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 12:52
sometimes it can be a real struggle to just be strong and choose to refrain from harmful or addictive behavior. And this is all you can do on days like that. And you can be proud of yourself for doing just that. You've won and have become stronger going through that day, choosing being your best self. You totally rock doing that. Maybe you start with half a day and grow into full days of choosing you over your early wound habits. Just try and go with what works. One day after another.

To Sjeu 		Past year I had a relapse Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 13:01
from an eating-disorder because a trauma causing family member reached out to me after 12 years of no contact. Even though I had long conquered it.. It was too overwhelming. After 6 months I decided to work on it. Previously I had mastered my eating disorder by placing another addiction on the foreground. Smoking weed. This worked because I knew how to quit smoking weed. So once the eating mess was out of my system, I'd only need to quit smoking again. So I did that and stayed clean for years.

To Sjeu 		This time I chose another way Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 13:10
that is more loving towards myself. I Noticed how both eating and smoking weed, where my ways to escape painful emotions. So I wanted to replace my messy eating habits with a long lasting 'presence' of me, choosing me being worthy. So I bought a couple of lovely perfumes. (Ok, so they where almost new, second hand bottles, I have a budget to be mindful of) For 30 years I'd been wearing the same perfume. I wanted to explore a side of me that reflects taking good care and appropriate self esteem.

To Sjeu 		Every time I feel like crap Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 13:26
I consciously choose to wash myself and put on one of my precious perfumes. The smell reminds me continuously of me winning an inner battle and of being worthy of good things. And to enjoy them without feeling guilty.

Another example would be closing an 18 year old on/of toxic friendship that had me isolated bigtime. After feeling things through, I've bought myself a theater ticket for this month and also a ticket for a dance event for next month. For meeting new people that share interests.

To Sjeu 		You know how to move in the dark Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 13:36
and that's a good thing. Because once you choose to look into better, more loving ways for yourself and when you feel torn by that.. A helpful thought in that moment is ''If I do what I did, I get what I've got''. And your goal is is to explore new ways.

The new might be scary and bring out unease. A helpful thought in that moment: ''There is no mistake here, I'm just learning and this is supposed to be messy. I'm making little steps, I'm doing good and I'm proud of myself for doing this!''

To Sjeu 		On Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 14:08
''pushing people away, expecting them to put up a greater fight''

Your themes might be identity related and might also be about having healthy boundaries. Your boundaries will define you specifically. When you are not sure about who you are, your likes, dislikes, preferences and no go's.. You might unconsciously want others to define you. By acting out. They will express their boundaries and that is where you will put your's when in lack of your own.. It's not a healthy dynamic. Zero sum game.


To Sjeu 		You must have gone through a lot.. Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 14:20
Not being able to organically develop yourself in those area's..

You don't have to go sideways to extrude control or clarity out of other people. Sometimes being honest about yourself and asking someone for a reality check is more healthy and productive. Even though it might feel weird and vulnerable..

I hope you come to discover there are better ways to engage with other people and you do have a lot of agency in that + It's good to learn that being rejected is not the end of the world.

To Sjeu 		You want to be around people Sjeu, 08 Apr 2023 14:32
who are equally invested. Where you can be yourself no matter what. People who are ok with meeting you where you are. Without having to change unless You want to.

But you can't control other people. And people have every right to choose their own ways.

Unconditional love is not the same as tolerating unconditional crap from someone.

What I learned is that you want to enter any relationship the right way and tend to maintain a healthy bond. Otherwise it will not last.


To Pilot 		WHAT THE! Pilot, 09 Apr 2023 05:00
you read me and reminded me of an awareness i had in the beginning. your words all resonated so greatly with me and i share the same experiences, you’re living in my head! there are bugs in my head and in my eyes!!

but thank you for taking so much time to thoughtfully narrate philosophy from empty poetry i put up when i’m feeling sad.

To Sjeu 		You're Sjeu, 09 Apr 2023 19:57
welcome :- )

To Deletedfromppl 		bro Deletedfromppl, 08 Apr 2023 13:38
i feel you, but slowly i have started to realise that we shld get a little selfish yk
We should have our own self-respect even if u look like a bitch u are doing it for ur own self justice after all

To Pilot 		bro!! Pilot, 09 Apr 2023 05:01
yes love is selfish and to love yourself is to be selfish with your needs at times>:D it’s hard finishing balance my goodness. i guess we need to live and live and live

To Pilot 		eye Pilot, 29 Mrt 2023 04:31
am so sad:(

To Deletedfromppl 		why Deletedfromppl, 08 Apr 2023 13:50
are u sad dear :(

To Pilot 		When I’m lonely I have the bugs Pilot, 27 Mrt 2023 07:09
Hello bugs!
I’m listening to Elliot Smith’s Either/Or album and it’s so warm and new sounding.
The familial warmth and love that the songs expend is very healing for me right now. I’m sad I didn’t listen to Elliot Smith before when I listen to Bright Eyes and Neutral Milk Hotel. This warm rested feeling is nice.

spotify.link/y6tTqkHfvyb

To Sjeu 		Might there also be something good Sjeu, 27 Mrt 2023 12:44
for you to find in your experience of loneliness?

Thnx for your reference to Elliot Smith! I had not heard of him before. His music has a vibe that reminds me of an older band I used to listen to very often. They are called Soulwax.

youtu.be/-EXMOxzmAm8

To Sjeu 		Soulwax Sjeu, 27 Mrt 2023 13:40
sounds like

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_l-QsZMH3KgQIGwBWUmEK7jicxI-A4qf_A

To Pilot 		Yearning Pilot, 26 Mrt 2023 19:17
“I wanted to be your dog.
I wanted to be your car keys.”
-Sarah Mann

To Pilot 		Saw a video of a girl saying Pilot, 26 Mrt 2023 19:12
She’s viewed people that have caused her such pain
like her helpless child that has just made a small mistake
that she must now look over.

Is it better to forgive and forgive or to not?
I feel like I’ve lost balance

To Sjeu 		Messy Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 21:48
but kind.

youtu.be/3c7NUyhNuEs

To Pilot 		Doubts Pilot, 25 Mrt 2023 21:37
Is it normal to have doubts in a new relationship?
Am I a liar? Do I really love him if I‘m scared of better things existing?
I love him he’s beautiful.
Why am I so worried all the time? :(

To Sjeu 		Yes that is very normal :- ) Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 05:58
If you do like to reflect on it, here are some unsolicited suggestions. Please only take what resonates.

Well I'm no expert in relationships but I do know about building up walls. Maybe there is something here for you in this video about this theme.

youtu.be/sYQXGO6U9aQ

To Sjeu 		Also Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:00
In my studies to open up for the possibility of positive change and manifesting a better life for myself (+furry en feathered friends) I'm mindful of my words. Inner dialogue and meditation containing; -What if there is a better way- What Else is Possible for me?- I'm Worthy & Curious if there is Some Kinda Way- I'm Open for the Best Possible Outcome for me- Asking; how can I Be The Invitation for it to happen? So I imagine how it would look like and feel as if it's already happened.

youtu.be/j5HvF61whoY

To Sjeu 		And Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:02
whenever I catch myself in old negative beliefs, I remind myself how far I've come and I feel grateful for what is already here and for the many lessons I've learned. Somewhere along the way I decided to stop crap-fitting and be brutally honest about my wants, needs and about what behavior in others I no longer accept. I need to trust myself in protecting my boundaries before letting anyone come closer and create a safe space before I communicate about all that.

youtu.be/otynMEeMStg

To Sjeu 		Here's Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:04
A beautiful conversation about relating in an authentic and honest way but if you do want to explore a more tantric view for opening up intimacy, it might be an idea to look out for 'the seven veils' ritual.

youtu.be/pdGhuxQU9xA

To Sjeu 		Once in a while Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:06
a bit of self-evaluation, shadow-work and/or parts-work helps me out and also learning about the various side-effects from a nasty and unsafe upbringing. A nice resource for that is this YT channel;

www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/videos

To Sjeu 		For Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:08
a more scientific view, here's a wide-range list of publications on relating


valtsus.blogspot.com/2014/10/human-relationships-studies.html

To Sjeu 		But it might even Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 06:14
be more interesting for you to learn about your prevalent attachment style. This will help you to gain a lot more insight on your emotions and actions. It's kind of like the base part of every other element mentioned above.

To learn about certain dynamics can be insightful;

https://youtu.be/-EXMOxzmAm8

To Pilot 		wall!! Pilot, 26 Mrt 2023 19:06
I never looked at self improvement as anything else but change.
Things are how they are supposed to be, they should be happening. O my:( what a wonderful thing

To Sjeu 		Maybe it's not so much about changing Sjeu, 26 Mrt 2023 20:43
but about just allowing more options in when it comes to your future path. To look beyond the programming and surpass resistance and other peoples expectations.
Learn to surf any wave without fear, because you know how to swim when you fall in the water. About setting out your own track and moving gracefully in your own pace. To choose peace of mind over people pleasing. About You letting You be You.

Unapologetic.

Only you decide what it means to you.
Only you choose how to carry yourself.

To Pilot 		:( Pilot, 26 Mrt 2023 18:57
beautiful


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